Here's a quote for today, no mystery guessing this time.
"Studies have found that people who feel they’re getting away with something experience fear and self-reproach, while people who feel exploited are angry and resentful.
But Armand Gamache knew what was behind all rage. Fear."
~ Louise Penny, The Brutal Telling
It's interesting to explore underlying emotions and better understand human behaviour. I think that sometimes I understand motivations and the root causes of behaviours for some people, some of the time, but even with that knowledge I don't always know the correct way to deal with it. Do you find yourselves in this situation ever, and what do you do to find resolutions? Also, back to the quote, do you think that fear is the cause of rage?
mei lan you’ve hit on something near and dear to my heart. I have long been fascinated with human behavior. I am one who is always looking for patterns in behavior as that seems to be the road to understanding the driving forces behind what someone’s doing. Like you say the tricky part is then knowing what to do about it if anything needs to actively be done. When I’m not sure what to do I usually seek someone else’s counsel if I can do that without betraying confidences. Sometimes I watch more intently, listen more carefully, try to guide more gently. I don’t think there is one right answer because it all depends on the person and situation.
I absolutely think that fear causes rage depending on what is at stake. The more important the gain the greater the rage when losing that gain is threatened.
I agree Libby, I find it fascinating. It does depend on situations and people involved completely, but I do think that having a better understanding leads to better resolutions. A little more compassion in the world is a better thing for all.
One thing that I love about all of this is how we can read a book and not just analyze character behaviours, but also develop a better perspective on human behaviours. With that, we can develop a better understanding of the real-world behaviours we see around us with the people we interact with. We can actually identify and analyze the behaviour as it’s happening and instead of reacting to emotion, we can use our new understanding to find ways to manage situations into better outcomes. A very practical way to enrich our own lives, whereas some might just dismiss fiction reading as escapism.
Some years ago, I worked in behavioral health. A co-worker whose expertise I respected greatly once provided the following advice, “Anger is a defense against anxiety.” That sounds a little tamer and more clinical than Armand’s understanding here but it is of a piece. If it is possible to do, and sometimes I find it impossible, I do think it helps to reframe someone’s anger as a statement about them and their needs rather than a statement about me.
Yes, I agree completely. Sometimes people’s defence mechanisms or instinctual behaviour is to place blame on others and show anger when it’s frustration or another emotion that is driving the behaviour. If we can understand that, then it’s possible to approach situations in a very different way than usual, when someone directs their aggression at us.